Month: March 2007

I wasn’t always a lot of awesome things that I am now. Though my striking and alluring visage has remained as visually palatable as always, intrepid time explorers would find a much more sinister mind in a younger Joseph Luster. That’s right, at the age of ten, I was a full-blown expert in plagiarism.

Many of you might recall a fairly popular comic called “Calvin & Hobbes.” However, in the same way that some peoples of the Orient know Doraemon as “Ding Dang,” children of a 5th grade private school class in Kentucky knew Bill Watterson’s classic as “Zac & Mac.” Z&M is essentially like a knock-off you would find in Chinatown that never looked quite right; a pink and copper superhero with dog ears called Oltraman.

In place of a stuffed tiger is a stuffed panda (Mac), and in place of a spiky-haired young ne’erdowell is a spiky-haired young ne’erdowell (Zac). Joseph wasn’t alone in this fraudulent endeavor; co-artist and co-writer Neil Dey must also fess up to this heinous act! The jokes are exactly the same as Watterson’s strips, and in some instances the name Calvin was struck out and replaced with Zac! Truly, Joseph and Neil’s very writing utensil was the telltale heart of the comic book world.

But enough talk… have at you!

Please click on them for full enjoyment!

All told, there were about 60 pages of Zac & Mac produced in 1991, collected in three “anthologies.” The first is self-titled, the second is called “Jack Attack,” and the third is lost to time! When will these pirates pay for their crimes? Is reprinting unfunny comics truly penance enough? Will Joe Shieh cry foul when he sees I’ve returned to my old ways by loosely stealing the concept of his latest blog entry?

What do you think the age limit is for being even remotely relevant nowadays? I’m trying to think of the youngest film critic that has let time completely wipe them of any sense of progression so I can countdown from today until the time they either stop writing about movies or die.

This comes up because, with the advent of some recent movies, I’ve heard way too much talk about something being “like a video game.” Let’s not waste any time here, this is some lazy fucking criticism. What does it even mean for something to be videogame-like? Are there interactive, Shenmue-style moments in which the audience is prompted to press A to make Gerard Butler dodge a sword? No, it’s a pompous and dismissive way of saying that a movie has too much CG. Is that all a game is? I don’t see anyone complaining that the latest Splinter Cell cutscene “looks too much like a movie.”

I’m not even really defending CG here; I’ll always be in love with traditional FX . But I even read similar comments recently in response to the new TMNT flick. Can a fully computer-animated movie have too much CG? That’s like saying Aladdin was too cartoony. It’s a statement parroted by out-of-touch old men (and aspiring old men) and, realistically, it means absolutely nothing.

For those just joining us, here is the origin story of Slamm Dunk.

Click to enlarge!

Well, season four of the JLR was pretty intoxicating. Normal duties and regular updating should resume on Monday, but for now I just want you to watch and think about this:

OR “How Joseph Spent his 200th Post, Predictably, Talking About TV Games.”

Guess what’s coming out on 360 this month, guys. I’m typing out another sentence so you can have an extra few seconds to actually guess, so please don’t skip ahead.

Earth Defense Force 2017! As you may recall, I quite fancied its predecessor, known to Peoples of the Orient as Chikyuu Boeigun 2. As long as multiplayer isn’t jacked up, this is going to be one heck of a co-op bug blaster, and I require you all to play with me! Yes, even you. So smitten am I still with this trailer that I show it to you all. And, like myself, you may find yourself suddenly dancing and screaming quizzically to the skies once again: “As ants are killed and blown up, they’ll drop health power-ups, armor, and additional weaponry to pick up. What are they doing with such useful items?”

Crucial Update: Apparently there’s no online co-op, only local! That really blows!