Month: March 2007

Xbox Live Arcade has just been madness lately, and I haven’t even bought anything. That certainly doesn’t belittle my tendencies to do so. It’s a little mind-boggling, though. After what seemed like ages of sea with no dry land in sight (does this analogy even work backwards? I don’t know), there’s suddenly a ton of crap worth buying.

Let’s see. Last week it was Worms (status: GOT IT). Then, this week, it was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ’89 (status: GOT IT), and next Wednesday is Castlevania: Symphony of the Night! (Status: GOT IT) I guess it’s officially time to start suckin’ dick… for money, that is (implying that I already suck dick for free– oooooh, I’m bad).

I will update the parenthetical stats for those of you interested in playing said television games with me in the future.

Oh, and I also rented Bullet Witch, which isn’t nearly as bad as everyone but Dave Halverson would have you believe.

I’m as burnt out on first-person shooters as the next guy, but this game is going to be the shit:

A while ago, they released some really comprehensive gameplay footage that gave you an idea of what a level would be like, while managing to show off a lot of your abilities. It was too long, though, and I much prefer this quick montage of slaughter.

Time to switch things up some this weekend. For your perusing pleasure, a long-time friend of the Joseph Luster Report, John Kunkel, has something sexy to say and it concerns you and everything you are as an Earth human. Take it away, John.

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Chariots of the Gods was a groundbreaking historical analysis written by Erich von Däniken which theorizes that ancient civilizations were more highly technologically advanced than ours, and, even more daring, that all humans spawned with extra-terrestrials many moons ago. This link has more information, or you could actually read the book and develop your own thoughts if you so desire.

What was most appealing to me about this inspiring text was that our ancestors possibly came from Mars. I always felt this was true as a child, especially when I watched Patrick Ewing play basketball on TNT… I knew parts of us simply were not human. It is beyond questioning, in my mind, that we humans are one part evolution from the ape/monkey, and one part created from “God.” Not “God” as in “the great one,” “the Father of Jesus,” “Abba father,” “Buddha,” “Mohammad,” “Daddy,” or any other religious association, but “God” as in a true “God” to primitive man – a smarter, faster, better version of being that flew in from the sky.

So if you happen to encounter a man from outer space, simply say, “Hello, great grandfather, good to finally meet you.” Deep down, all of us began as a wiggly sperm in a Martian’s sac combined with a twinkle in an ape-woman’s eye.

This one doesn’t need much introduction. It’s one of Dudu Blaq & Dirty Earl’s first submissions to Brave Man Weekly, a few years before Express debuted. Pretty much not safe for work. I hope you enjoy it!

Page One
Page Two
Page Three
Page Four

In an announcement that’s news to no one, Dark Horse is putting a few of its more eccentric manga titles on hold indefinitely (read: canceled). The chief problem here, I’m sure, is that no one bought them. Now, that might not be true for some of my audience, so don’t think I’m chiding you sexy people. It is a shame nonetheless.

I really respect Dark Horse. They consistently release a lot of the darker, older and more obscure stuff. Not just horror, but gross-out manga, Kazuo Koike masculinity epics, and so on. I especially took a liking to Octopus Girl, which is on the “canned” list in that news post. Toru Yamazaki’s mid-90s serial is about a girl that can turn back and forth between human and a twisted octopus hybrid, and is as silly as it is graphic and disturbing.

For your pleasure, I have scanned a few sample pages from the first chapter (Maybe NSFW). Click to enlarge and read each page from right to left!

Sample Page One
Sample Page Two
Sample Page Three