subhumanzoids

Thanksgiving was, indeed, a GRANDE meal. Before the eating festivities began, I had my first ground-level Macy’s parade experience, which was a lot more enjoyable than I would have thought it to be. I mean, you can’t really imagine the excitement of seeing the real Kermit the Frog until you’ve seen the real Kermit the Frog. I took some video of The Very Best Floats, which I’m sure you’ll all find titillating once I finally upload it in the least timely fashion possible.

So here’s the question: would you prefer to see my groundbreaking parade coverage before 2009 or right on the cusp of it, because I can make EITHER happen. Who am I kidding, you really have no say in this matter, do you? I’ll splice together some spicy footage and make it happen at some point in the next 365 days. Maybe before the next parade hits. For now, I’ve got a lot of writing to do and, if you’ve been especially good this year, some of those words might land on this very page.

Also, I need to figure out how to get Faith to the end of the final room without firing a single bullet. Speaking of which, there is a new episode of Robotronic Dynamite available for you to enjoy today.

(Copy-pasted from a post I made here)

What we have here is the latest short from RD madman Umair Aleem, folks! In his own words, The Vicious Vice of Mrs. Fenech is “an homage to the wonderfully bizarre, funky, psychedelic (& at times nonsensical) euro-thrillers: the Gialli!” Written and directed by Umair Aleem, starring Rhiannon Alexander and other screen legends, and featuring music by Brandon Fincher, you just might find yourself slapping on a couple black leather gloves after watching this one.

http://vimeo.com/moogaloop.swf?clip_id=2339684&server=vimeo.com&show_title=1&show_byline=1&show_portrait=0&color=&fullscreen=1
The Vicious Vice of Mrs. Fenech from Robotronic Dynamite on Vimeo.

After finally seeing the Clone Wars CG movie I can, with bursting confidence, claim Rotta the Huttlet AKA “Stinky” AKA (according to Jabba) “Punky Muffin” George Lucas’s most inspired creation.

Luke WHO? Boba WHAT? Yeah, those were all farts of the mind at best before Rotta stepped into the spotlight. As brain-shatteringly brilliant as I find the little bugger, though, I also feel a bit cheated. His unique design couldn’t have come from any other source than Yours Truly, who created a similar character at the turn of the century in one of the Samurai claymation shorts. That’s right, just take a look at “Baby Gay” and see if you don’t cry ripoff.

Truly the most acronym-heavy headline ever to grace this webpage. Last night I was feeling really blog-lazy, and almost posted a review body that just read “sucks.” Then when I woke up this morning, I fought away the temptation to type “D.U.D.”—which I’m sure was used to hilaaaarious effect back in ’84—and leave it at that. I guess what I’m getting at is I watched C.H.U.D. (Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dwellers) for the first time on Sunday and didn’t really dig it.

It’s not going to take long to boil down what doesn’t work about C.H.U.D., though, it’s just a completely directionless flick with a great premise and no one capable to deliver on its potential. There isn’t even really a lead to hold everything together. John Heard seems like he might be the protagonist at first, but then the movie forgets about him for a while as it focuses on Daniel Stern, a shelter worker that knows the ins and outs of the underground homeless community, while he helps Christopher Curry solve a missing persons case.

Then it occasionally goes back and forth between the two and Heard, eventually unleashing the titular humanoids on the audience in a couple forgettable scenes of violence. That’s where the real disappointment lies. The creatures themselves look pretty rad, and there are some other good effects like some convincing prosthetic heads and decent, if brief, gore. There’s a lot that could have been done with the simple setup of radioactive humanoids living in the sewers and eviscerating winos as they rise to the surface, but it’s really just boring.

C.H.U.D. is the kind of “cult classic” that should be remade. Not because it’s a movie that deserves the treatment, but because it’s one that needs it.