I made a thread elsewhere about this, but I had to repost it here because it’s awesome and God what the fuck is wrong with me I’m becoming some psycho hermit:
Wasps are really fucking gay and ugly. This dumbass flew in my kitchen and kept banging against the window like it was a way out. I felt kind of bad because he was obviously a retarded wasp, but this is my house, damnit (my folks, just like, um, rent it out from me, BRO). I offered him the chance of a lifetime. He was given, with no exception, five full minutes to exit through the now-open porch door.
He declined. So be it.
Like any man would, I went toe to toe with the fucked-up-looking beast. Although many of you know RAID only as a condiment, it is also a valuable weapon. I managed to land a perfect headshot and I watched it fall to and writhe in my sink for a few minutes, tapwater cascading over it like a final bath before execution. The toxins from the spray enveloped its body and seeped into each segment, closing off all quarters of its living functions.
Unfortunately for the local backyard wasp community, I had recently rewatched the anniversary edition of Cannibal Holocaust. So, ceremoniously, I mounted its carcass onto a “spear” and lodged it deep within a crack on my deck’s side-rail. I would have shoved it up its anus, but I couldn’t find it.
The results are not for the squeamish (click to enlarge):
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