Pre-season Predictions

These bold estimations come courtesy of our own resident sports stats swami, Patrick George (pronounced ‘Gay-Org’) Sanders. Looks rough, but I have higher hopes than this cynical sideline-hound:

I think that Joseph Luster actually has a really vicious schedule this season (Home games in bold, w/ my predictions in parentheses):
Week One: Sleeping in (W)
Week Two: Watching cartoons (W)
Week Three: Going to Best Buy to look at DVD’s (L)
Week Four: Building toy robots (L)
Week Five: Holding hands with John Wishon (L)
Week Six: Lifting milk cartons as if they were weights (W)
Week Seven: Considering employment (L)
Week Eight: Come up with a zany comic idea (Home Coming Game) (W)
Week Nine: Polish glasses (L)
Week Ten: Wax B.B. gun (W)

I don’t think that Mr. Luster is Bowl-bound.

Update: Upon further review of Joseph Luster’s schedule I would like to rescind my previous statement. Clearly Joseph can win Week 7’s matchup against “Consideration of Employment.” This would make Mr. Luster 6-4 on the season, thus being bowl eligible. Las Vegas odds-makers are forecasting Luster to end up in the Jerry Green Bowl against “Watch Pat Make Out with Some Nasty Old Chicks, and then Vomit on Himself” out of the BDC (Baby Dick Conference). Luster is a 3-1/2 pt favorite.

2 thoughts on “Pre-season Predictions

  1. I fully expect Luster’s Week 10 matchup to be filled with the competitve zeal of USC vs. Notre Dame ’05, Army vs. Navy ’48, and Kramer vs. Kramer ’79.-The Swami

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