Blas(s)t Proce(a)ssing

I’m disappointed in Nintendo at the moment. I sent them a very enthusiastic email the other day regarding their new Wii console. The letter reads as follows:

Hi!
I have seen your new system in Nintendo Power, and I have some question(s). The most recent game I have played of yours is Zelda 2, which is neat. Are you making any games that are as fun as that one? How long until they are out and what are their names? My favorite good guy so far is Link, but my favorite bad guy is still Mouser.

Sincerely,
Joseph “Jammin’ Joey” Luster

For days, I anxiously awaited a response to this. Although I thought I knew the answer to my query deep down inside, I began to second guess myself. Are they making any games as fun as that one? What are their names? What started as something silly was evolving into a deadly serious affair. Notes lie scattered about my room; some are tacked to walls, but most of them are spread haphazardly everywhere else.

Then Nintendo replied. No, you know what? An automaton replied. I’m beside myself at this point, more vexed than angry. Their stiff, robotic solution to my problem was to provide a link to the very page from which I got their email address! Back in my younger days, these questions were Nintendo’s very foundation. If I wasn’t so strung out over this whole thing, I’d probably be pissed. Luckily, their cold response stated that I could reply to the message if my question remained unanswered. Well, bad sirs, it does.

Hello again, “Super” Nintendo!

A few days ago, I sent an email to you dudes (I attached it after this). Anyway, I searched the link you gave me, but I didn’t really feel like I could answer my question with all of that info! As they say in your TV games, “Try Again?” Haha.

Thank you!

P.S. Does Sega still say all those lies about “Blast Processing”? Sonic isn’t really that good and Mario is much cooler. I always have thought, NintenDOES what SegDON’T!

I’ll keep you guys up-to-the-minute on this one.