I Can’t Eat That Now!

Peep Kiefer Sutherland’s Japanese 24 Calorie Mate ads. I’m not sure how old they are, and I’m not sure I care.

This one might be the best.

Assault Heroes came out on Xbox Live Arcade yesterday. It’s another original title, so it’s not an arcade retread with slightly updated graphics or anything. I’ve been wary of the originals, though. Small Arms was like Smash Bros. but not fun, and Roboblitz, despite having the words Robo and Blitz in close proximity of one another, was boring.

This game is rad, though. It’s like a third-dimension combination of Ikari Warriors and Jackal. The screen scrolls as you drive haphazardly in your ATV, disintegrating everything in sight; fighting suicide bombers that scream Indian battle cries and leaving your vehicle to learn how to be a man on the ground.

I personally can’t wait to see what happens when the homebrew Live Arcade kits are released. Truly it could, and probably will, be a flood of crap the likes of which we’ve never imagined. Then again, there’s also bound to be some smart motherfuckers like Jenova Chen and Nicholas Clark waiting to pounce on this opportunity.

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2 thoughts on “I Can’t Eat That Now!

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