Embarrassingly enough, I happened to find myself in the farmland of Connecticut this weekend for the Louisville vs Uconn game (ugh). To cheer me up after our devastating loss, my ladyfriend took me to the orchard to pick some pumpkins into which I could carve the likenesses of various ghouls.
Upon my return to Hoboken on Saturday (with six(6) pumpkins in my trunk), I offered my roommate Nugget a challenge: HE WHO CARVES THE MOST HORRIFIC PUMPKIN SHALL OWN THE OTHER’S SOUL FOR ALL ETERNITY!
Actually, it was a friendly challenge, with no prize for the winner (other than the smug satisfaction of being the better person in every facet of life.)
The only rule we decided upon was that no types of stencils were allowed to be used. I chose my pumpkin first, not choosing the biggest of the bunch, but rather an oddly shaped oblong one that tickled me just right. Inspiration had struck me: this would be the perfect canvas for Dr. Frankenstein’s Monster!
Nugget chose next. Admittedly, I was nervous. Not choosing the biggest pumpkin was a risky move on my part, leaving the largest gourd open for Nugget to carve a frightful masterpiece of epic proportions on. Luckily, Nugget chose a smallish round pumpkin. The game was afoot.
As we both carved at a feverish pace, it became apparent who the victor would be. As my Dr. Frankenstein’s Monster came to reveal itself, Nugget was busy bringing to life the visage of what appeared to be a baby with down’s syndrome that in turn looked like it had been possibly carved by a baby with down’s syndrome. Whining screams of “This is hard!” and “”I haven’t done this in so long!” were heard from my competition, and inspired me to carry on.
Although the match has been called in my favor, perhaps you should be the judge.
Nugget’s supremely unimpressive effort:
Canaan Schladale-Zink’s hauntingly beautiful work:
Notice the detail on the hairline on top. Quite impressive.
For reference, here are the pumpkins side by side. Don’t pay attention to the two in the middle, our girlfriends made those.
subhumanzoids 
Well done, Canaan! To the victor goes the spoils.
Wait a minute I just woke up at 6:45pm. But are you going to be in Jersey on Saturday?
Don’t pay attention to the two in the middle, our girlfriends made those.You have a girlfriend???!!!!What’s his name?
Psh, girlfriends are for quitters. This article was penned by Canaan.