This Blog Looks Too Much Like a Website with Words and Punctuation Marks and Comments and Shit

What do you think the age limit is for being even remotely relevant nowadays? I’m trying to think of the youngest film critic that has let time completely wipe them of any sense of progression so I can countdown from today until the time they either stop writing about movies or die.

This comes up because, with the advent of some recent movies, I’ve heard way too much talk about something being “like a video game.” Let’s not waste any time here, this is some lazy fucking criticism. What does it even mean for something to be videogame-like? Are there interactive, Shenmue-style moments in which the audience is prompted to press A to make Gerard Butler dodge a sword? No, it’s a pompous and dismissive way of saying that a movie has too much CG. Is that all a game is? I don’t see anyone complaining that the latest Splinter Cell cutscene “looks too much like a movie.”

I’m not even really defending CG here; I’ll always be in love with traditional FX . But I even read similar comments recently in response to the new TMNT flick. Can a fully computer-animated movie have too much CG? That’s like saying Aladdin was too cartoony. It’s a statement parroted by out-of-touch old men (and aspiring old men) and, realistically, it means absolutely nothing.

9 thoughts on “This Blog Looks Too Much Like a Website with Words and Punctuation Marks and Comments and Shit

  1. I remember back when Armageddon JUST came out, more than one review read “It’s basically a movie-version of Asteroids.” UMMMM, HELLO? Did these critics even SEE the movie or PLAY Asteroids??? If this is the case, then there should have been like, 10 Asteroids for Bruce Willis and Co. to fight…and in stages. The tards.

  2. I think maybe they were trying to be funny with that one? There weren’t really successful, but I couldn’t imagine someone saying that seriously. I’m just going to start throwing out random pull-quotes that make no sense. Children of Men is basically a movie-version of Crystal Quest.

  3. But still, it was at least 5 different reviewers calling it an Asteroids-movie. If it was just one guy, I’d laugh and go “touche.” But it was NUMEROUS! If they’re going to allude to old games, then they should’ve said something like, “Dig Dug meets Asteroids with a Bruckhemier budget!”

  4. I’ve sometimes watched a movie and gone “wow, this could totally be a video game”, because I find it as interesting as involving as a CRPG – I could be that character, following the twists and turns presented by the story-teller… that is, I would tend to make a remark like this more as a compliment, and usually having nothing to do with graphics…… but I guess this isn’t quite what’s we’re talking about here 😛

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