Galactic Ghetto Scriptbook: The Annihilator

Scenes 1 and 2: Written by Patrick Sanders & Joseph Luster.

©1998 Bigwig Productions • BW-Video. All rights reserved

INT. HOTEL IN BERLIN – DAY

The Annihilator (Bahn Von Johnsonite) walks into lobby. He’s a massive bodybuilder cop that speaks in an exaggerated Austrian accent.

BAHN
(to receptionist)
Hey, I’ve gotta drop a rotten fucking boulder, where’s yer crapper?

RECEPTIONIST
Vell, I never! Ees at end of hall, left.

BAHN
Good, this is gonna be one hell of a dump!

INT. HOTEL BATHROOM – DAY

Bahn steps in and sniffs the air.

BAHN
(sniffing hard)
That doesn’t smell like goodguy shit.

In a stall nearby, a badguy talks on a cellphone.

BADGUY ONE
Hey, Rulio. You got all that cocaine that I’m gonna buy illegally from you using government money?

Bahn sits down for a smash and listens intently while crapping loudly.

BADGUY ONE
Yo, some cum-guzzling faggot is takin’ a mad smash next to me. I bet he’s black! Mexican? No way…alright, 50 bucks, yer on!

Bahn gets infuriated and busts through his stall with shit dripping.

BAHN
The only thing that pisses me off more than my unwiped ass is cokeheads like you!

BADGUY ONE
Oh shit! It’s him!!

Cut to black as the badguy screams, the title FROM AUSTRIA WITH HATE slams onto the screen and some wild music plays.

Credits roll and it cuts back and forth between scenes of Bahn beating up the badguy and random city shots.

Then back to Bahn in the bathroom.

Bahn throws a turd at the badguy.

BAHN
Shalom, shithead!

Then he kicks him twice in the gut.

BAHN
(shoving poop in Badguy’s mouth)
Eat shit, maggot!

Finally, Bahn puts Badguy’s face in the toilet and flushes.

BAHN
(clapping)
Crap on, crap off, the crapper!

INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT – AFTERNOON

Chief Chiefton sits at his desk, absolutely furious.

CHIEF
Johnsonite!!

He holds a newspaper. The Headline reads

CRAPPY CRIMINAL GETS THE FLUSH

Bahn walks in, pleased with his work.

BAHN
What’s wrong, Chief, did I do a shitty job? Ha ha!

CHIEF
We can’t keep gettin’ this kind of press, Bahn! Yer makin’ us look like unprofessional boobs.

BAHN
And that’s all she wrote.

CHIEF
Are you even listening?

BAHN
Ja, boobs and such.

CHIEF
Arrrgh, yer hopeless. Screw it. I got an assignment for your ass. If you screw this up, your badge is gone! Along with you, Johnsonite.

The Chief hands him some papers.

BAHN
Yes, ma’am.

Bahn walks out laughing. he looks at the paper and laughs even more.

BAHN
Piece of cake, motherfucker.

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7 thoughts on “Galactic Ghetto Scriptbook: The Annihilator

  1. At first glance I didn’t want to read this because the font was uglier than Morgan Freeman. Fortunately I did though! “Bahn throws a turd at the badguy.”Genius! But you should always use a “growler” reference when talking about doodoo.

  2. Johnsonite sounds like a mysteriously dangerous mineral…ALRIGHT, POP QUIZ HOTSHOT.Superman is to Kryptonite as Brandon is to…A. Machine GunsB. Sexy Vampire/Ninja BitchesC. JohnsoniteD. Splinter Cell: Double Agent

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