Scenes 1 and 2: Written by Patrick Sanders & Joseph Luster.
©1998 Bigwig Productions • BW-Video. All rights reserved
INT. HOTEL IN BERLIN – DAY
The Annihilator (Bahn Von Johnsonite) walks into lobby. He’s a massive bodybuilder cop that speaks in an exaggerated Austrian accent.
Hey, I’ve gotta drop a rotten fucking boulder, where’s yer crapper?
Vell, I never! Ees at end of hall, left.
Good, this is gonna be one hell of a dump!
INT. HOTEL BATHROOM – DAY
Bahn steps in and sniffs the air.
That doesn’t smell like goodguy shit.
In a stall nearby, a badguy talks on a cellphone.
Hey, Rulio. You got all that cocaine that I’m gonna buy illegally from you using government money?
Bahn sits down for a smash and listens intently while crapping loudly.
Yo, some cum-guzzling faggot is takin’ a mad smash next to me. I bet he’s black! Mexican? No way…alright, 50 bucks, yer on!
Bahn gets infuriated and busts through his stall with shit dripping.
The only thing that pisses me off more than my unwiped ass is cokeheads like you!
Oh shit! It’s him!!
Cut to black as the badguy screams, the title FROM AUSTRIA WITH HATE slams onto the screen and some wild music plays.
Credits roll and it cuts back and forth between scenes of Bahn beating up the badguy and random city shots.
Then back to Bahn in the bathroom.
Bahn throws a turd at the badguy.
Then he kicks him twice in the gut.
(shoving poop in Badguy’s mouth)
Eat shit, maggot!
Finally, Bahn puts Badguy’s face in the toilet and flushes.
Crap on, crap off, the crapper!
INT. LOS ANGELES POLICE DEPARTMENT – AFTERNOON
Chief Chiefton sits at his desk, absolutely furious.
He holds a newspaper. The Headline reads
CRAPPY CRIMINAL GETS THE FLUSH
Bahn walks in, pleased with his work.
What’s wrong, Chief, did I do a shitty job? Ha ha!
We can’t keep gettin’ this kind of press, Bahn! Yer makin’ us look like unprofessional boobs.
And that’s all she wrote.
Are you even listening?
Ja, boobs and such.
Arrrgh, yer hopeless. Screw it. I got an assignment for your ass. If you screw this up, your badge is gone! Along with you, Johnsonite.
The Chief hands him some papers.
Bahn walks out laughing. he looks at the paper and laughs even more.
Piece of cake, motherfucker.