A curious obsession with Super Contra is creeping up on me. I have to conquer its evil terrains. I have to dig to the root of this alien menace and pull it out like a tainted radish. Tonight’s leap from the whirlybird rope took me further through the depths of level 3’s scorching jungle, wherein many truths were revealed.
If this doesn’t make you want to play, you might be dead!
Frogmen ambushed me from the canopy to the swamp, but probing more deeply brought the real enemy, aliens, out of hiding. At the end of their unforgiving gauntlet, a trap was sprung! I had haplessly strayed headfirst into a fiendish alien wall that spewed its babies forth like an extremely literal fountain of youth.
Their onslaught was too much for me, and so zapped was my final continue. If only I had a partner, just like the poster and cover art! But who would be so brave?
Update (1:35am): Damn, I wrecked the HECK out of some Super C tonight. While waiting for the eternal download known as the Bioshock demo, I made it to the last boss before I ultimately kicked the bucket. There just wasn’t any juice left in my poor soldier, but it felt great to truck through 95% of the game like some demonic, juiced-up tractor trailer of TV game vengeance.
You’d cheer too
subhumanzoids 
You ARE the champion my friend.
It’s all downhill from here.