Penishold

What’s that making Senor Coco go loco? What game’s got him screamin’ like a demon? Why, Midway’s very own digital follow-up to John Woo’s Hard Boiled, Stranglehold, of course!


Were I a betting man, I’d wager this demo will make at least 90% of the population coo-coo like (not for) Cocoa Puffs. The game is totally bonkers and over the top. As Tequila, if you so much as rub your thigh against a flat surface the game sends you into a raging fit of automatic awesome, which is a vague way of saying that you slide along counter tops and tables.

Each segment of the level here is a virtual action movie set-piece loaded with context sensitive acrobatics and glimmering objects that will, upon being shot, explode with sparks and drop boxes and other sharp-ended messes on your foes. When firefights are at their most intense, the screen is a slow-motion frame loaded with blood, splinters, concrete and sparks. Yeah, it uses old, tired Max Payne gimmicks, but it uses them so damn well.


There are even mexican standoffs! In a game! How the hell does that even work? (Okay, I’ll tell you) With everyone aiming at one another, you start dispatching your foes one by one as you use the left stick to dodge bullets like Nick Cage in that NEXT trailer. Oh. Yes.

I sincerely doubt that I’ll rent this game when it drops on the 26th of this very month. I will probably buy it. With money!

Sunshine

I saw this movie earlier tonight and I’ve gotta admit that my pants are totally tight for it. I think it’s the best thing that Danny Boyle has done yet, and I like pretty much all of his jams that I’ve seen.

I don’t want to get into any specifics because I’d rather not ruin it for anybody that hasn’t seen it yet; it does have its silly moments. I should add that the movie’s audio is definitely a highlight, and reason enough to peep it in the theater if you can. Heck, there are about a dozen reasons to check it out in the theater, honestly.

I’d say it’s up there with Hot Fuzz as one of my favorite movies so far this year.

You Are Dead

The Poetry of a new generation. Now that I’m replaying Resident Evil 4 on the Wii, I’m recalling how hilarious all of the death scenes are. Seriously, if you’re not dying, you’re just not playing it right!

Old video, I know, so if you’ve never played one of the Greatest Games Ever, don’t watch it! I think the acid to the face might be the best.

Next Bigwig Film Title: You Decide!

Okay, it’s time to put a completely unnecessary amount of control in your hands; control that I have the extreme power to revoke at the drop of a hat. In fact, it’s very likely that I’ll do just that, but there’s no way to tell!

Without spoiling the premise, I’m going to offer you a grab bag from which to pull the title of my next movie. I’ll only say that it does, indeed, involve the homeless in some way. Now, CHOOSE!

°I’LL SQUAT WHERE I DAMN WELL PLEASE
°HOBO JOHN AND THE GARAGE MURDERS
°I’LL SQUAT WHERE I LIKE, YA BASTARDS!
°HOBO HARRY AND THE DIRTY SQUATTERS
°I’M HOMELESS AND I’M PIPIN’ MAD!
°I SHIT ON YOUR LEGS

Podcast: Robotronic Dynamite! #16

I promise the JLR hasn’t exclusively become a podcast dump, but there just so happens to be a new Robotronic out as of now! I was absent from this man-party, naturally due to, you know, being a rap superstar. I know, it’s a tough path that I’ve chose, but I’ll continue to walk it with gold dollar sign chains around my neck. Expect some more updates later, but for now enjoy the intense jamming of Jimmy, JoE and Brandon!

Listen Here

Behind the scenes: JoE edits Robotronic Dynamite