Category: Comics

Residents of the USA circa 2002 can expect to be treated to the hottest gaming mag on the block soon! That’s right, Pat Sanders and Joseph Luster are retroactively wheeling their videogame magazine into the past via a crude Stargate curiously located in or around Sanders’ rectum. Newsstands from five years ago are reportedly “excited to see if this works,” while others are either blissfully unaware or “nervous about the idea of a magazine traveling through a rectal wormhole.”

Here’s the cover of their first issue, which was (previously thought to be) doomed from the start. Though there is no real content inside its pages, Sanders is “confident that the magazine will be filled and fully designed at some point during the time travel process.”

On the subject, Managing Editor Joseph Luster had this to say: “We haven’t worked on [Game Renaissance] in years, but I’m sure that it will sell well in the past because I am on the cover in Freddy Kreuger makeup.”

I’m assuming the following video is taken from the extras on the Super Mario Bros. Super Show DVD (which I need to Netflix badly). In it, you will study the career pinnacle of our Planet Earth’s greatest wrestler turned actor.

Personally, I think Albano’s portrayal of Mario Mario is flawless. If he and Danny Wells had been tapped to star in a much different Super Mario Bros. movie, the world would be a strange and wonderful utopia today, and this humble blog would no doubt be beamed onto every electronic billboard and television screen in Times Square!

I meant to bring this up the other day, but my interest in the Speed Racer flick jumped from zero to somethin’ else once I saw the trailer. I don’t like the Wachowski Bros., but if the final cut ends up being as Cutey Honey live action as this makes it out to be, I’m there. Maybe I’m just starting to like really retarded movies?

I wasn’t originally planning on checking this out, but ended up being wowed by a briskly paced, no bullshit adventure flick. The cast itself is insane, with Sam Elliot, classic cowboy drawl intact, flying on the same airship as an alcoholic armored polar bear played by Ian McKellen who has to battle Ian McShane while Christopher Lee plots elsewhere.

The effects are really great, too. I think the animal animations are even better than Narnia‘s. I don’t care about the limp controversy and I’ve never read the books, but the flick made a kid in the row in front of me bawl a couple times, so it did something right.

That’s the sound my new Mechagodzilla DX toy makes, procured courtesy of “Santa Claus,” who frequently engages in the Christmas spirit!

Just like in the motion picture shows, putting batteries in its butt makes it light up and go KAKOOOOW CHOOOOOOM.

Addendum: The JLR’s reading level is no doubt plummeting as we speak. Let’s see if we can get it to Grade School in a week’s time.