subhumanzoids

Today, December 28th, is Joey Coco Day. It has been so for years, ever the excuse to don a party hat. However, thanks to the vacancy of my email inbox, I have deduced that this is a fact of which many of you are unaware! In the wake of this unsettling realization, I have decided to spend the remainder of my days (in 2006) educating you all on… The Potentially Unfamiliar Nuances of this Blog!†

Most of you know well the variety of readers that peruse The Joseph Luster Report on a daily basis. A common language has been developing amongst my readers for the past year, but to say that this vernacular is evenly distributed would be a heinous lie!

Notes of Import Regarding The Language of this Blog

Let’s take the above paragraph, and translate it Babelfish-style into the way a seasoned Report reader would see it.

Most of you know well the variety of readers that peruse The JLR on a daily B. A common language has been developing amongst The JLRmy (pronounced jay•el*ar•me) for the past Twelve Mo’, but to say that this vernack is evenly distributed would be a 5625 (police code for lying)!

I think that, despite the fact that we all hail from different levels of reading-my-blog expertise, we can all learn to get along in the new year.

†Joseph Luster reserves the right and retains the high probability of flaking on this and any other promised features.

Apologies for yesterday being so broken. Young Joey Coco found himself visited by the spirits (read: libations) of Christmas Past, Present and Future, all of which acted as the snakes ’round Medusa’s face, excreting their saccharine venom in the guise of foreboding tales and life lessons bearing extreme import.

So here we are! It is Christmas day, and I hope you harbor some comfort in knowing that I am most assuredly no more than one to fifty-five feet away from my computer or, as I affectionately refer to it, the box in which all of you live.

I am fairly certain there is a large mouse that lives within my walls, but that is a story for another day, and I won’t entertain the thought of kicking him or her out on Christmas, even if they are Jewish.

Open it and play, friends:

Hungover and tired. You all win today.

Erotic update of a “classic”:

It took me the entirety of the Streets of Rage 2 soundtrack to compose this mess. I’ll be really impressed if any of you get this one (resist the urge, Canaan), mostly because I don’t think drawings exist of this damn game. I had to use the raw energy of an 8-bit screencap to cull its essence, mashing it together with my memories and how I always envisioned the protagonist in greater detail. The color scheme here is pretty much a pure extraction of the original pixels.

Then again, maybe that will make it easy. I don’t know!