subhumanzoids

One of the big reasons that protagonists in games are such wusses is that they have to enter their names at the beginning of almost every game. Do you think JAQUIO had to type his name letter by letter into some time-weathered guest list before wreaking havoc on Ryu Hayabusa’s world? Arguable, but doubtful.

“Heck no I wouldn’t!”
So this is the part of Boss Week II (which by the Law of Luster must officially start on Wednesday) where I ask for your suggestions. What ruthless rules of the boss world would you like discussed? What bosses deem thee worthy of merit? Comment here or contact me via the email link on the sidebar. You can even submit DRAWINGS and I will post them, for I am always hungry for content like a giant anthropomorphic wall that halts your progress through a stage!

Ah, the Joseph Luster Report, ever a microcosm of the entertainment industry. Now you can see for yourself, when I have nothing original to post, I TURN TO SEQUELS!

Check out all of the original Boss Week stuff here (a handy image link is also on the sidebar)!

This highly coveted award would have to go to Andrea Bianchi’s Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror, released in the greatest year of our Earth, 1981. I’m sure this has an intense, rippling fan base, but no one bothered to make me watch it until Brandon Fincher forced its essence into the deep recesses of my Galactic Ghetto Netflix Queue. Then, upon further prodding, it was bumped to the peak and delivered to my home last week.

The Nights of Terror has just about everything I want from low-budget Italian horror, and an entire pantry of things I didn’t know I wanted until I saw them. There are way too many highlights to mention, but Peter Bark’s performance as Michael and a handful of ideas jacked from Zombi 2 are good places to start.

A trailer, for those of you that haven’t seen it:

I’M BACK. I shot guns. I lost a few bucks. I walked the hot coals of Nevada like a swaggering apocalypse survivor. Now, prior to my harrowing journey, I thought I had placed enough trustworthy agents around the country to keep it safe from terror and evil, but I was mistaken, because I just learned that TROLL is returning. Such vile creatures, they’ll destroy us all!

Before I go any further, I should say that I don’t mind remakes at all. At some point in time, everything will be remade into something else that we’ll either love or hate. It doesn’t really matter. Remakes aren’t the End Times sign of Hollywood like everyone enjoys imagining them to be, but I’m really wondering how this one is going to work outside of some Spiderwick Chronicles type of flick. As much as 2008 has been like a bonus slice of the 1980s, the horror world is definitely not the same.

If you’ve never seen the original, just look at this cover and tell me whether it’s a kids movie, a niche porno, or a Labyrinth spin-off starring Hoggle. Also, let me know when they start remaking Troll 2.

Uuuuuzuuuumaaaakiiiiiiiii. I pulled this snail off after checking it out, but it was all melted and junk. Lately, everything I touch melts, be it donuts, candy, or even snails, so WATCH OUT.

I’m getting a lot of work done before leaving for Vegas tomorrow morning, so there’s a good chance you’ll be looking at this image for the next 5 days or so. Enjoy!