It Was Worth it to Watch the Oscars to Hear…

Announcer:

“… The Departed, based on the Japanese film Infernal Affairs.”

Wow, smooth! Scorcese got it right during his acceptance, though.

In completely unrelated news, I was recently reminded that I only gave out one of the Slamm Dunk prizes for my 7 Days of Christmas contest! I guess I was so taken aback by my stunning recreation of Brandon Fincher’s visage that I cast the others to the fire. I will get on these soon, because the planet Earth demands it!

Next on The Joseph Luster Report: Tales from the Lounge Beyond Infinity!

Galactic Ghetto Sketchbook: Phantasmic Papyrine Portal

An inordinate amount of specters, phantasms and wisps have kept me from tending to my stately duties at the Joseph Luster Report, and for that I apologize. In an effort to mend this issue, I have trained myself to capture these malicious manes within the confines of the Galactic Ghetto Sketchbook; frozen in time for the penceless masses to admire.

How fortunate was I, friends, to capture this beastie of ill repute? Click to enlarge!

Ghost Rider Poll

This isn’t a poll about who’s going to see it; I don’t really care. Rather, I have this sneaking suspicion that Nick Cage might try to self-sabotage the movie in the same hilarious way that he did with the remake of The Wicker Man. So, kids, how will he do it this time!?

Will he:

a) Scream about bees?
b) Fight new adversaries?
c) Pontificate life’s futility?
d) None of the above.

Cast your votes now!

Disclaimer: I have not seen the remake, but I have seen enough clips!

Addendum: Alex Ward, King Goomba

I just took a shower, which, unfortunately, usually involves thinking about things, though these thoughts most commonly include questioning which hole is the smelliest.

Being a huge nerd, I couldn’t stop thinking about my last post and how pompous Alex Ward is. I don’t talk much shit on this blog, so allow me this brief reprieve from niceties. His analogies are hyperbole at its most extreme, because it’s absurd to compare non-interactive media to video games in that way.

The reason that you “beat” a game, as opposed to a book, is because you apply your skill and effort to passing the tasks set forth by the developers. You don’t “beat” a movie because there aren’t any options. Sure, if I could choose a path that leads to victory in Cannibal Holocaust, then I would most definitely say that I “beat” it. But that’s not what movies are.

Most apparent, under all of the bitching over semantics, is an artist’s frustrated insistence that no one “got” their message or grasped their story. While I did like Black a lot, the reason that everyone wants to skip the cutscenes is not, as Ward implies, because they do not like to be told a story during gameplay. The root of the game’s storytelling evil is the fact that it is conveyed through terrible, no-budget cinemas that any Larry, Moe or Curly could have filmed if they had expensive HD equipment and a 5×5 room with a hanging light.

He nailed it himself when he facetiously likened it to a Sega CD game. Sorry, Alex, but no one wants to read a message that’s scribbled in doo-doo, unless it foretells of the apocalypse or huge savings.