subhumanzoids

Today is Friday, December 1st, and you all know what that means…

Mail Day! However, since we didn’t receive any letters this year, here are some from a 1989 Nintendo Power:

Keepin’ it true* with an overhead view,
‘Cause a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do.

After renting and playing a decent amount of the new Sonic the Hedgehog on 360, I decided that it’s terrible and Dave Halverson is a lunatic. If you want an idea of what playing it is like, it’s kind of a mix of this and this, but less awesome.

Though it took me over twenty years, I’ve finally come to the conclusion as to what the number one bathroom reader is. It should have been obvious from the start, but the enviable Luster Award for Shit Reading Excellence goes to Raijin’s full-colour versions of the Fist of the North Star manga.

Despite having read these a handful of times since their release a few years back, they still manage to hold a much sought-after spot in the wicker magazine rack next to my toilet (right in front of years-old EGMs and a bad Simpsons comic; prime real estate). The chapters can each be read in about the time it takes to squeeze out a moderately sized dump, and the faces any dedicated reader will make while reading the “A-ta-ta” and “Uwwooooooh!” sound effects make for the perfect doo-doo impetus.

**Sorry, nerds, this post isn’t really about Zelda at all.
*Listening again, I think he says “Creepin’ through,” but whatever.

I’m sure this thing is old as dirt but, after careful consideration, I have decided that this is the Perfect Video†. Not only is it well-paced and full of surprises, but it takes our unlikely protagonist on the complete Hero’s Journey, from the first act to the thrilling conclusion.

I don’t care if you’ve seen it a million times. Have you really seen it?

† For those with further interest in the subject, I consider the runner-up to this title to be the last video posted on Mr. Black’s weblog.

I don’t ask very much of you guys, right?

Well, in this post, I’m leaving it to each and every one (4? 5?) of you to describe way(s) in which you would foil Wile E. Coyote.

That’s right, kids, this is the 100th episode of The Joseph Luster Report (as seen on blogspot, that is). I cooked up many means of celebration, debating how this monumental event should be handled.

I thought about writing a long, meaningful post about how important this web-log is to society. Upon further consideration, however, I deemed it a waste of time. This is the internet, and no one really wants to read!

Instead, I will leave you with this video of Michael Richards going buckwild at a stand-up gig, and “showin’ them black folk what’s up” as it were.