subhumanzoids

An officer of the law on the subject of crack:

“You can’t just get off that stuff on your own. Superman takes a hit of crack, he gets hooked.”

They’re showing “Cops 2.0” right now, in which G4 loads the screen with trivia and junk, potentially obscuring the tattered boxer shorts of a bearded derelict.

BONUS: “C.O.P.S.” Quote of the Day

Mr. Keen: I’ve learned a Valuable Lesson: No Computer, no matter how smart, could ever replace a human being.”

Blitz: “Arf Arf!”

Bowser: But there’s nothing wrong with having a computer as a man’s best friend.

I can say, without exaggeration, that this is the single greatest thing that Justin and I have ever recorded. This is just the first draft, so please blast this as loud as you possibly can. Hook up some speakers to your computer and let it wail. Song and lyrics below:

Note: All of the music is original. The vocals are courtesy of yours truly, while Justin rocked the keyboard, drum machine, guitar, and bass.

The Adventures of Jake Laser and Dynamite Jackson (Opening Theme)

Chorus: The Adventures of Jake Laser and Dynamite Jackson (x3)
The Adventures!

They say in outer space,
There ain’t no boundaries!
It’s just an endless ocean
Of discoveries!

Jake Laser knew this well,
As he escaped from Earth!
Running from The Moon King,
For everything it’s worth!

(Chorus)

(Guitar Solo)

The Adventures of Jake!

Are you excited yet? Oh, you will be! This here promo finds the Moon King’s lackeys, as usual, one step too short in pursuit of our heroes.

Jake Laser Promo #2

Evil voices: Joseph E. Luster

Even when constructed sloppily by a crew of fools, the Robotronic Dynamite ship has no trouble sailing the skies. Join us, then, for another hot intergalactic episode with a few twists and turns to sex up the voyage.