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wick’d wilderness: the ranger

October 19, 2019October 23, 2019by Joseph LusterLeave a Comment

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Jenn Wexler’s The Ranger may not be the best indie horror flick in recent years, but when you put it next to movies like Ryuhei Kitamura’s dismal Downrange, or even the previously-reviewed Sequence Break by Graham Skipper, it’s downright dynamite. It’s a simple setup for a satisfying slasher with an antagonist that’s kind of… not? The Ranger isn’t quite Smokey the Bear vs. Punk Rockers, but it gets as close as it can muster.

The short pitch is as follows: A group of punks are on the run after a police raid goes way south, but thankfully one of them had an uncle with a place way out in the woods. As promising a solution as that sounds for their getaway, they didn’t take the local forest ranger into account, and he takes his job seriously. Mix his rigid sense of righteousness and strict adherence to state park rules with a curious connection to leading lady Chelsea (Chloe Levine), and you have the recipe for some violent deaths that these roustabouts may or may not have totally had coming.

At a tight 80 minutes, I have no problem recommending The Ranger to anyone looking for something modest and crunchy to digest this month.

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Halloween 2019 Movies:

1. Sequence Break
2. Deadtime Stories
3. Hell House LLC
4. Body Bags
5. Pumpkinhead
6. Friday the 13th Part III
7. Child’s Play 2019
8. Ghoulies II
9. Satanic Panic
10. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
11. Demons
12. You’re Next
13. Frankenstein

Subhorrorzoids

living legends: frankenstein

October 17, 2019October 19, 2019by Joseph LusterLeave a Comment

Frankenstein (1931)
Directed by James Whale
Shown: Boris Karloff

I’ve been trying to mix it up with movies this month, so I thought I’d pop in a little indie gem you might not have heard of: Frankenstein. Okay, so the last thing the world needs in 2019 is a review of the Frankenstein movie from 1931, but this Universal Monster yarn was the perfect way to break up an enjoyable but occasionally grim lineup of flicks.

Though the opening credits would have you think the role of The Monster to be a still-unsolved mystery—it’s credited with a big fat ? in the opening—Boris Karloff is one of a handful of reasons Frankenstein is still so fantastic today. This was the legend’s big break, and the world of horror is something he’d go on to embrace for the rest of his life. The role was originally intended for Dracula himself, Bela Lugosi, but he ended up turning it down, reportedly due to how much of his face was concealed once all the makeup was finally applied.

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It’s a good thing he did, too, because Boris Karloff is The Monster. Like most early Universal Monster movies, Frankenstein is short and to the point; content to play out almost like a play across its lavish sets. It still has plenty of time to humanize Dr. Frankenstein’s doomed creation, though, and Karloff speaks volumes with a few grunts and some pained but sympathetic expressions.

This one’s probably available “wherever movies are sold!,” but I got mine in a Blu-ray collection that packs Frank in with Dracula, The Mummy, The Invisible Man, The Bride of Frankenstein, The Wolf Man, Phantom of the Opera, and Creature from the Black Lagoon. It’s a nice set and its liner notes helped make me sound like I know at least one thing.

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Halloween 2019 Movies:

Subhorrorzoids

wretched reunion: you’re next

October 16, 2019October 19, 2019by Joseph LusterLeave a Comment

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The 12th film for Halloween 2019 was my first exposure to Adam Wingard, who I quickly came to admire as a director. You’re Next (2011) really blew me away the first time I saw it, and that and Wingard’s 2014 thriller The Guest—which is like a mid-’90s made-for-USA movie but way more exciting—cemented the fact that I would be very forgiving to Wingard’s future output for years to come.

He hasn’t wowed me that much since, but that forgiveness remains, and I’m always excited to see what he has coming up next. I even kind of enjoyed his ridiculous take on Death Note, so feel free to judge me accordingly. As for You’re Next, this is the first time I’ve revisited it since, and while it didn’t inspire the same level of awe, it’s still a fun, violent ride that doesn’t overstay its welcome.

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You’re Next is a home invasion flick with a great twist. What appears to be a family gathering interrupted by masked intruders has something even more sinister beneath it, and it unfolds in a really satisfying way. The characters, for the most part, range from forgettable to obnoxious—Joe Swanberg’s Drake is one of the most punchable dudes in the past decade of film—but it’s all clearly about the incident at hand more than the actual family dynamics, no matter how strongly the story suggests otherwise.

Some movies that hinge on their twists are enhanced the second time around as a result. Take Jordan Peele’s Get Out for example. Once you watch it and know its secret, watching it again is even more enlightening. You begin to see bread crumbs throughout, slapping your forehead like “Why didn’t I see that coming?!” But of course you didn’t, because Get Out‘s twist is insane.

You’re Next doesn’t quite benefit in the same way from repeat viewings. Thankfully, the action beats and absurd violence are still as effective, so it’s worth revisiting if you enjoyed the rollercoaster the first time around. Next up for Wingard is Godzilla vs. Kong, but give me another The Guest and I’ll be more than happy to show up on day one. You’re Next, on the other hand, is best left as a one-off thrillride.

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Halloween 2019 Movies:

Subhorrorzoids

smash somethin’: demons

October 15, 2019by Joseph LusterLeave a Comment

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You may never truly be able to “smash everything” as Bobby Rhodes’s character Tony so vehemently demands, but watch 1985’s Demons and you’ll certainly want to smash somethin‘. This classic from director Lamberto Bava was one of the first flicks I watched when I was getting obsessed with Italian horror some 15 or so years ago, and it’s one worth owning and putting on an annual rotation to this day.

Demons is, from the opening seconds, what I would consider a pretty “rowdy” movie. That doesn’t mean there’s something going on in every single frame, but there’s always madness right around the corner. I mean, if this jam doesn’t get your blood pumping, you might wanna head to the ER.

Most of Demons takes place in a theater, where people throughout the city have gathered for an invite-only movie premiere. When a morose man in a silver phantom mask hands you a shiny ticket, you go to that showing! The movie in question gets through at least a reel before the shit hits the fan and everyone inside discovers they’re locked in… with DEMONS!

Highlights include some nasty demon FX, all the moronic cokehead punks who wind up fleeing from the cops right into the theater as the aforementioned shit hits, and everything Bobby Rhodes does. Lamberto Bava—son of genre legend Mario Bava—doesn’t get the same level of attention as his contemporaries, but he scared up a few grimy good’uns as director. His résumé as assistant director prior to that is even more impressive, but for my money Demons is his masterpiece.

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If you want to see Demons in all its glory, pick up the Blu-ray Synapse Films put out. It has virtually nothing in the way of extras, but the high-def transfer from the original vault materials and Synapse’s new color correction mean it looks better than ever. Thankfully, this version also has the same bitchin’ soundtrack—which includes the likes of Billy Idol, Scorpions, and Motley Crue—so CRANK. IT. UP.

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Halloween 2019 Movies:

1. Sequence Break
2. Deadtime Stories
3. Hell House LLC
4. Body Bags
5. Pumpkinhead
6. Friday the 13th Part III
7. Child’s Play 2019
8. Ghoulies II
9. Satanic Panic
10. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Subhorrorzoids

classic creepout: the texas chainsaw massacre

October 15, 2019October 16, 2019by Joseph LusterLeave a Comment

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Just look at the title card above for the late, great Tobe Hooper’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This not-so-fresh frightshow from 1974 has spent every year since rotting in the sun, ensuring that it maintains as much of its original grime as possible. In that and pretty much every other regard, Massacre is a huge success, and remains an impressively effective horror film and one hell of a way to put one’s name on the map as a director.

For those who have somehow evaded this one in the 45 years since its debut, it’s a simple case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Sally (Marilyn Burns) suspects that her grandfather’s grave may have been impacted in a recent string of vandalisms, so she sets out with a group of friends and Franklin (Paul A. Partain), her paraplegic brother, to check on it for themselves. What would otherwise be a quick stop at their family’s old farmhouse on the way ends up being a one-way ticket on the terror train (no, not that one), destination: A Nasty-Ass Fate.

It’s there that they run into a psychotic family of murderers, including the Leatherface we all know and adore, as lovingly depicted by Gunner Hansen. From the moment they set foot on their property, the audience is already completely strapped in and helpless to do anything but watch as the worst case scenario unfolds.

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The rest is, ya gotta admit it, history. TCM endures because it’s grody. Even the otherwise uneventful credits sequence manages to be eerily grotesque, and you can practically smell the gory flashbulb snapshots that precede it. The same can be said for the rest of the movie. You can even smell the sun-bleached concrete roads that lead our hapless friends to their final resting place. You can definitely smell grandpa.

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The Texas Chainsaw Massacre is far from a treat,
But this Halloween would be lacking.
If we all neglected to pull up a seat,
For a meal full of barfing and yacking.

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