Category: Comics

Well, season four of the JLR was pretty intoxicating. Normal duties and regular updating should resume on Monday, but for now I just want you to watch and think about this:

OR “How Joseph Spent his 200th Post, Predictably, Talking About TV Games.”

Guess what’s coming out on 360 this month, guys. I’m typing out another sentence so you can have an extra few seconds to actually guess, so please don’t skip ahead.

Earth Defense Force 2017! As you may recall, I quite fancied its predecessor, known to Peoples of the Orient as Chikyuu Boeigun 2. As long as multiplayer isn’t jacked up, this is going to be one heck of a co-op bug blaster, and I require you all to play with me! Yes, even you. So smitten am I still with this trailer that I show it to you all. And, like myself, you may find yourself suddenly dancing and screaming quizzically to the skies once again: “As ants are killed and blown up, they’ll drop health power-ups, armor, and additional weaponry to pick up. What are they doing with such useful items?”

Crucial Update: Apparently there’s no online co-op, only local! That really blows!

Xbox Live Arcade has just been madness lately, and I haven’t even bought anything. That certainly doesn’t belittle my tendencies to do so. It’s a little mind-boggling, though. After what seemed like ages of sea with no dry land in sight (does this analogy even work backwards? I don’t know), there’s suddenly a ton of crap worth buying.

Let’s see. Last week it was Worms (status: GOT IT). Then, this week, it was Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles ’89 (status: GOT IT), and next Wednesday is Castlevania: Symphony of the Night! (Status: GOT IT) I guess it’s officially time to start suckin’ dick… for money, that is (implying that I already suck dick for free– oooooh, I’m bad).

I will update the parenthetical stats for those of you interested in playing said television games with me in the future.

Oh, and I also rented Bullet Witch, which isn’t nearly as bad as everyone but Dave Halverson would have you believe.

I’m as burnt out on first-person shooters as the next guy, but this game is going to be the shit:

A while ago, they released some really comprehensive gameplay footage that gave you an idea of what a level would be like, while managing to show off a lot of your abilities. It was too long, though, and I much prefer this quick montage of slaughter.

Time to switch things up some this weekend. For your perusing pleasure, a long-time friend of the Joseph Luster Report, John Kunkel, has something sexy to say and it concerns you and everything you are as an Earth human. Take it away, John.

• • •

Chariots of the Gods was a groundbreaking historical analysis written by Erich von Däniken which theorizes that ancient civilizations were more highly technologically advanced than ours, and, even more daring, that all humans spawned with extra-terrestrials many moons ago. This link has more information, or you could actually read the book and develop your own thoughts if you so desire.

What was most appealing to me about this inspiring text was that our ancestors possibly came from Mars. I always felt this was true as a child, especially when I watched Patrick Ewing play basketball on TNT… I knew parts of us simply were not human. It is beyond questioning, in my mind, that we humans are one part evolution from the ape/monkey, and one part created from “God.” Not “God” as in “the great one,” “the Father of Jesus,” “Abba father,” “Buddha,” “Mohammad,” “Daddy,” or any other religious association, but “God” as in a true “God” to primitive man – a smarter, faster, better version of being that flew in from the sky.

So if you happen to encounter a man from outer space, simply say, “Hello, great grandfather, good to finally meet you.” Deep down, all of us began as a wiggly sperm in a Martian’s sac combined with a twinkle in an ape-woman’s eye.