Not Technically TV Games

What should portable games be called? They’re certainly not Television games! Here are two new reviews from yours truly, just posted over at Got Next:

Cartoon Network Racing (DS)
Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin (DS)

(spoilers: one sucks and the other is awesome)

I swore up and down that I would never buy Pac-Man on Live Arcade, but I woke up one morning about a month ago and there it was, purchased by a far more intoxicated man that was obviously trying to piss me off. Anyway, I’ve been playing it, and right now I’m trying to get the final achievement, which involves “perfecting” a level by eating all four ghosts four times. I am not very good at this!

Take the Food, You Hungry Sluts


I don’t know if I can play BK’s Sneak King on 360 again. Ever. I’m really surprised I made it through my sleep without any recurring night terrors. The game itself is a crushing commentary on greed and the declining value of the US dollar. Even if you hide in a trashcan and pop out to give someone a hamburgesa before they pass out, they will be hungry again shortly! All these people do is consume your hearty meals and spout Sims-like gibberish, and if they don’t get a burger in 30 goddamn seconds they pass out from exhaustion.

Oh yeah, John, you left your copy of Sneak King over here. But screw you, I’m taking this trash to Mt. Doom.

New Claymation Short

I’m still kind of in that satisfactory glow of finishing something, but the feeling of “fuck editing claymation forever” looms pretty heavily. This one was kind of a pain in the ass, so I took a long break from it and finally finished it tonight. It ended up being pretty wild, considering it’s just a clay short.

I guess that technically makes this the first BigWig film of 2007. Enjoy!

Boxer Assassins: Ninja Apocalypse


You may need to brighten your screen a bit, but it looks fine on my Mac.

When I Say Bleach, I Don’t Mean The Shitty Cartoon

I’ve been talking up and looking forward to Lost Planet since I first played that demo that hit OXM and Live marketplace last year, and I’ll admit that some of the mixed reviews made me a little anxious. First, Famitsu hit with a really generous score, 46/50 I think. Now we all know Japanese people like jumping on things and selecting words from menus more than shooting people and blowing things up, so this was a pretty good sign of things to come.

Then came the US internetters and newstanders, some of which are consistently guilty of picking shit apart so they seem… harsh? I don’t know. Whatever the reason, I sometimes notice nitpicking in games with nits that don’t deserve so much picking (Yoshi’s Island DS, for instance).

Anyway, Lost Planet is awesome. It looks amazing, and plays, despite controls that could use some better mapping, like a sub-zero action movie (I hope someone at Midway or New Line reads my blog and takes a note on that last sentence). I haven’t tried out the multiplayer yet, but I did attempt to join a match last night before the host dropped it. If anything, it seems like it might end up being pretty short. If the powers of the Kentucky Tavern spirits and some mud butt hadn’t conspired to stop me, I might have cleared the majority of the levels last night.

Enough fun for now. I have to write about Cartoon Network Racing on DS and do some “hands-on” research on which brand of bleach is most lethal when ingested.