Category: Comics

The contents of a man’s wallet is said to speak volumes of his character. Mine weaves a tale of adventurous exploits and impromptu derring-do!

Here are some gems plucked during its cleaning that, once mined from the dark canals of my wallet, are now deemed national treasures.

Click for increased clarity

Clockwise from top to bottom:

1) Slightly erotic (?) Slam Dunk holographic card. That title looks weird now without the crucial second M.

2) Some backstory. About 5 years ago, when I should have been book-learning, I left my NES on for two days straight playing Data East’s meisterwerk, Rampage. I wrote my score down and it’s been gaining age (and value!) behind my debit card ever since.

3) Supercuts card. I never got enough cuts there to be awarded their most excellent bonus cut.

4) My Beautiful Men’s Club card, created around 199x.

This one’s not too hard. Kind of creepy, though, in a mugshot sort of way.

Sorry this took so long to get up. This isn’t a very old game, but I think some of you guys will get it.

Okay, here’s how this works: The JLR is your very own advent calendar for the next seven days, and this is your first special rad treat. Behind each daily door lies some crappy video game art by me (I am drawing a new one each day, of course). They will start off simple, and get progressively more obscure. The first person to name the pictured game each day wins cash & prizes!

Did I mention the cash and prizes? Well, actually, there are only prizes, but they are some doozies. Each daily winner will receive a personalized drawing of them meeting Slamm Dunk! It will be posted here whenever I finish drawing it.

Now, open the first door!

12:15 – This is a big moment in live internet blogging. I am about to pop on Run DMC’s Tougher than Leather for the first time in a digital format. Until today (thanks, John), I’ve been stuck with a poorly dubbed cassette of the album, one that was brought aboard the tape decks of friends’ cars in high school like a weary traveller exchanging gold for passage through a stormy current.

12:20 – Insane. I feel like I’m riding around in a dumpy ’89 Volvo right now. I’m going to go get a Pepsi®.

12:28 – Some minutes passed. “Mary, Mary” was in there but, as many of you know, it defies the reach of my niggling words. I can’t really vouch for the accuracy of these time stamps!

Jesus, “Radio Station” is nuts. What if this came out right now? I wish more mainstream rappers would distort their samples and repeat the same words over and over again like “Radio Station – DEP Ra-Ra-Radio Statio -DEP DEP DEP.”

AM/FM MUSIC MODULATION.

12:31 – I’ll admit it, I’m waiting for “Papa Crazy” to come on with bated breath. That shit is bananas.

12:32 – PAPA… PAPA CRAZY. “Papa don’t give a damn, or say thank you ma’am!” I just want to transcribe all of the lyrics here. Screw it, here they are. No one raps like this any more! Stuff like this and school and hard tests that you get B’s on are things more rappers should come back to. Holla ’bout yo’ grades, son.

12:35 – Papa still crazy. I’d bet my month’s earnings (US$5) that the beat rolls on for at least a minute after the hook ends.

12: 36 – Yep.

12:39 – The title track is pretty good, but there are better songs here. While I think it’s funny, I was never a huge fan of the shreddin’ guitars/rap combo. I know that was a major Run DMC thing, but I like the beats that go *plink plink doop doop* better.

12:41 – “Out out out-out (like that, out like) out out-out (like that!)” I’m not that into this one. I keep thinking about my Pepsi®. It’s not very cold anymore. I should get a job.

12:45 – There is so much bell in “How’d Ya Do It Dee.”

Damn, 7 tracks after this one, and those are all loaded as hell (“Christmas in Hollis,” “Beats to the Rhyme,” etc.) and have a lot of lyrics about homework and stuff, so I might have to split this in half.

Look for the second half of this story on these very pages! To be continued…