If you watched today’s UL x UConn game on television then congratulations, your perception of what happened was completely blinded by The Great White Conspirators™. Though the final score remains the same no matter what vantage point you had, the ultimate catalyst for the Cardinals’ victory was something deemed unfit, even “too awesome,” for Tee Vee.
It was a mixture of catastrophe and celebration; of destruction and dancing. After catching a 23-yard pass, Louisville’s Mario Urrutia found himself uncharacteristically distracted. Someone, in an effort to sabotage the home team, had turned on the “Thornton’s Boogie Cam” right in the middle of a play!
As if enraptured by an invisible Siren, Urrutia (pictured right) drifted toward the base of the jumbotron, far away from his touchdown destination. A candid half-time locker room conversation attempts to illuminate the situation.
“Why they turn on ‘da Boogie Cam while we play?” Mario pleaded in a sotto voice.
“I don’t know, Mario, I just. Don’t. Know.”
Mario was crippled, more mentally and emotionally than physically. During a TV timeout, I found myself behind the bench in a similar predicament, staring at the Boogie Cam like a dunce. There were so many people dancing; some were even doing the Tootsie Roll both “to the right” and “to the left.”
Then I heard it.
“Hey boi,” was what it sounded like. It was coming from Louisville’s head coach, Bobby Petrino. Perhaps more disconcerting than the fact that he was apparently addressing me, was that I instantly picked up on the peculiar intonation in his speech, and I was positive that it was specifically b-o-i and not b-o-y. It’s just something I’ve always been able to do.
To make a long story short, he tossed me a helmet, I went out on the field, blacked out, and woke up in the locker room after we won, surrounded by ding dongs!
Bonus Choose-Your-Own-Adventure: Read the last sentence with a question mark at the end and it’s even more exciting!
subhumanzoids 
