I’ve been playing the hell out of Chikyuu Boeigun 2 since it came in the mail earlier today. All that I have to say about it is summed up perfectly by this one paragraph on NCSX’s page, the bold portion of which sums up video-gaming in one inquisitive sentence.
“As ants are killed and blown up, they’ll drop health power-ups, armor, and additional weaponry to pick up. What are they doing with such useful items? The ants attack by biting with their mandibles but a quick gamer may avoid their jaws by running underneath an ant or hiding near a tank or building.”
I’m disturbingly masochistic. I’ve been drinking wine and playing the Mega Man X Collection all night. For the uninformed, this is tantamount to front-flipping through glass with an ass-full of molotov cocktails.
I’m on the last boss of Mega Man X right now, which is the easiest title of the six on this disc. Fuck Sigma and his mutt. I reset it so I could come back to it later because it saves before each segment of his base, but I didn’t realize until I loaded it back up again that it makes you start at the beginning of the four stages once you’ve quit.
On the bright side, I completely forgot how awesome some of the boss names are. I’m convinced now that the best name for a band you could ever come up with is Boomer Kuwanger.
Mach Baron is most notable for how distracting it is from the show at hand. The opening almosts suggests that you should black out before the first act. You probably will.
This is my favorite hero, so it’s no surprise that he would make my top opening list, right? Well, it’s not just Kenji Ohba’s charm that lands his spot in history. The waka-waka twangs and transformations combine to make one of the most legendary segments ever spliced together on film.
There’s not much to say here. The explosive musical opening might serve as a pre-punctuation, but Megaloman‘s mullet creates a time vortex that remains unrivaled. Thanks for checking these out. Post your own lists in the comments section if you like. Maybe I’ll post all five in the Joseph Luster Report! Also, there weren’t any sentai shows listed because that would just be unfair. Watch 4 seconds of FIVEMAN’s OP and you’ll understand. Expect a sentai countdown soon, though!
I don’t have too much to say about X3. Okay, actually I have a lot, but I don’t know if I’ll bother! We went to the midnight screening for some reason, even though I knew it would be bad. Still, cheers to Brett Ratner for surpassing my expectations in the realm of craptitude. Oh, I drew a picture!
I wish we had downloaded this and watched it in a living room with some tall boys so we could loudly crack on every second of it. Picture the X-men spending god knows how long fighting a bunch of Z-list mutants that look like they were created as part of a fan contest and you’ve pretty much got the idea.
Can’t they at least pander to the nerds if they’re going to make a shitty movie? Throw in some insane, random fight with Omega Red or maybe, um, show other mutants aside from “Porcupine Douchebag” and “Guy with Tiny Ears That Can Hear Really Well.”
This movie is amazing in that I came in with my expectations resting on the bottom of the abyss and Ratner was like “Wait bro, there’s totally another abyss below that!”.
I keep forgetting to update this more regularly. It’s kind of nice because I’m at least semi-busy right now so I’m not just sitting around here with my thumb in my ass (however good that may feel). Wes and I still have a lot of work to do on our “magical mystery script,” but in order to do good work on that I need to be constantly writing.
Here are a couple of capsule reviews, one of which I already posted here, that I uploaded to Got Next the other day. For the life of me I couldn’t figure out how to get images up through their client, and it was already enough of a pain in the ass for my photoshop-tarded ass to round the edges of the images to their specifications. Hence, no pictures. It’s too bad, because I had a rad poster of NEGADON, the all CG showa-style kaiju short by Jun Awazu, ready to go up there.
I also have a pile of Animerica stuff staring at me. Most of it, predictably, is crap. Not just normal crap, but “why on Earth would anyone want Joseph Luster to write about this crap” crap.
So today I’m going to try and juggle a few things at once, mostly focusing on digging into the second act of this script, but also trying to work in some random reviews and deciding which jappy crappy superhero stuff I want to cover in my next Full Metal Tracksuit column at KFCC.
Any requests? I’m leaning towards Machine Man this time, but I don’t know.
subhumanzoids 
