Scanline City: Out Zone

Welcome to Scanline City, the only metropolis in which it is illegal NOT to constantly talk about awesome arcade games long buried beneath the previous civilization’s rubble. For those of you that have never had the luxury of visiting such a sprawl, it looks something like this:


Today’s order of business hails from the good year 1990, back when Fly Girls had naught to do but shake their asses, their inhibitions not yet restricted by our future world’s harsh decency laws. In that fantastic year, developer Toaplan released an arcade game called Out Zone, a title that I dove into last night with a properly equipped wingman in tow.


Now, I’m not quite sure what an “Out Zone” is, but if the game’s contents are anything to go by, it’s a ruthless landscape of war and violence, punctuated by killer robots, aliens, and an ever-dwindling supply of energy with which you must power your killing machine of a body. Even Wikipedia can’t save us with their special brand of synopses, so you’re on your own if you ever find yourself in The Zone.

Out Zone basically plays like a normal shooter with buff lads taking the place of aeroplanes and spaceships. What makes Out Zone unique is the level design and power-up system, the latter involving a couple of weapons that can completely alter the way you play through the stages. While the initial weapon allows full 8-way shooting, making it sometimes difficult to hold fire on a single enemy, one of the power-ups gives the player a three-way shot that keeps them in a strafing position, ideal for blowing away pretty much everything in your vertically-scrolling path.

The level design is way beyond something you’d normally expect from an arcade shooter. Stage schematics play out more like they were designed for the third dimension than a simple 2D screen-scroller. Paths diverge into alien hallways that look, well, pretty much like you’d expect an actual alien stronghold to appear. Enemies pour out of adjacent rooms and, later on, moving bridges cleverly sway back and forth across bottomless chasms that were obviously designed to confuse the architects themselves.

Bosses range from mechanical monstrosities that wouldn’t be out of place in more traditional shooters to wall-bound machinations that are straight out of a top-down Contra level. One of the more memorable encounters has one of these very constructs zapping off sections of the floor beneath you with the power of an almost surgical laser beam.

And your reward for conquering the Out Zone? A screen that congratulates you and urges you to play the Extra Game! Quickly, though, there’s no time to decide, because Level 1 boots up immediately and you’re right back in the thick of it, saddled with a single chance at success. Perhaps this is indicative of the Out Zone’s crippling curse, its denizens forced to roam the grounds in an eternal Groundhog Day loop.

It’s hard to resist such a call to arms, and that’s because Out Zone is legitimately an awesome arcade game. Picture something like Ikari Warriors if Ikari Warriors was actually really fun. Give it a constantly-repeating spin on MAME until you find a copy of its sequel, Fix Eight, and check out some more screens (and probably some actual information) on this site, one of a few from which I thieved images.

Oh the Neo-Humanity!

This is Bone Bambara.


He is Inazuman’s fourth foe, fit to bursting with guts and pride.


Emperor Bamba wants him to trigger an explosion in every volcano across Japan, and he attempts to do that by throwing this righteous cross after posing for a screengrab that would look great on a mid-80s metal LP.


This is what happens when his cross strikes.


Bone Bambara can do almost anything. He can disappear at will. He can fight in the darkness, lit only by his glow-in-the-dark essence. He can flip, he can roll, and he can do one heck of a karate chop.


But he cannot defeat Inazuman!

Choriki Shorai!

Yesterday I was treated to The Box Set Joseph Luster Has Been Most Excited About in 2008: Inazuman! Let me tell you, Inazuman is one of my favorite tokusatsu series in a world of really awesome tokusatsu series.


I first witnessed its power via an eBay-bought bootleg DVD called “The Golden Age of Tokusatsu.” Its round plastic casing restricted a mighty force of live-action madness in four parts: Kamen Rider Amazon, Denjin Zaboga, the Kikaida 3-D movie, and Inazuman. With the exception of the movie (the third dimension of which was rendered useless and all it was missing was a flashing VHS TRACKING notice), these were all subtitled first-episode-only samplers, and they shaped my life thusly, shrinking MAN into BOY in an instant.

Inazuman struck me as especially special right from the get-go, though. Maybe it was Kikaida himself, Ban Daisuke, in the lead role that made me swoon. Maybe the extraordinarily HOT wheels he commanded made me want to make SCRRRRR noises with my toy cars. Actually, it was probably the fact that protagonist Goro Watari transformed not once, but twice before really sockin’ it to the show’s baddies.


That’s right. First Goro becomes Sanagiman, a brawler rocky enough to make Ben Grimm wanna turn in his superhero credentials. But that’s never enough, Inazuman has to finish the job and right the wrongs of the evil Emperor Bamba (bulabulabulabulaaaa). The theme song is rockin’, the show is nothing but fun, and I’ve only seen a couple of episodes so far! While I could never avoid recommending digging around for that shady disc that once put some curlies underneath m’carriage, JNProductions’ new set is a pretty hoppin’ way to dig into this one.

I leave you with a titillating transformation into Sanagiman.

Galactic Ghetto Something or Other

Alright, the Galactic Ghetto Netflix Queue is in full effect once again, its first order of business being a plate of Speed Racer on Blu-ray served pipin’ hot. I know I talked the movie up big time before it came out theatrically, but I never actually got the chance to “give it the business” personally. I’m sure my $10+ wouldn’t have contributed too admirably to the pile of bottlecaps it earned at the box office, but I still had pangs of regret for not checking it out at the time.


Now I’m glad I waited. Speed Racer is insane on Blu-ray. Being such an intensely colorful movie, it really explodes in hi-def, and it made the eye-assaulting experience that much more enjoyable for me. I guess I can’t really blame people that didn’t dig the flick, but the Wachowskis’ attempt at creating a live-action cartoon is wholly successful. It may be a tad long, and it may start slowly, but Speed is fun as hell and just generally exciting overall.

Next on the GGNQ is April Fool’s Day (1986), and I can’t think of a better time to watch that than… right now!