Category: Comics

There’s no exception to this rule: every boss has to have a set of patterns to its attacks. More often than not, these are designed explicitly to piss you off. Some mild offenders include “The Swoop” or “The Triple Shot.” I’m sure most of you can picture these vividly, already seething at their mere mention.

Let’s take a close look at some boss patterns that have plagued mankind since birth. These diagrams are pretty self-explanatory and, by all means, feel free to provide your own! As always, click to enlarge.

“The Ricochet”

“The Rock and the Hard Place”

“The Charge and Hop”

One of the most important ingredients to making the player horrified of an inevitable boss encounter is liberally inserting the boss, or hints of the boss, throughout the areas before the battle.

You would see this sometimes in old school games; you might catch something stomping around in the background, obscured by sexy parallax– then, at the end of the level, BAM!

But this technique has been employed most effectively in survival horror games. Here are two choice examples:

Resident Evil 3: Nemesis (1999) – Nemesis

The best part about this game is that Nemesis was the most terrifying thing in it. He chased you relentlessly and was always just a step behind. You knew damn well that you’d have to beat his ass in some epic boss battle sooner than later.

Silent Hill 2 (2001) – Pyramid Head

The very first time you see this hulking man-thing is something that probably scarred gamers for years. From the confines of a closet, trying not to breathe too loudly, you witness this jacked-up monster sort of… raping a mannequin monster? It’s really messed up. This is one of the best entrances ever used to foreshadow an eventual boss battle. We won’t even get into the whole psychological aspect of Pyramid Head’s presence, but he’s one of the many reasons that SH2 is the best in the series.

Nothing says impervious strength like resting on your laurels while some cretinous doer of good tries to stab you in your head and/or other vulnerable points. Hell, you’ve probably been polishing your weak spots for a month just so they would shine the perfect hue.

If you’re a boss in a videogame and you’re sitting down throughout the entire battle, you’re fucking awesome– there’s no two ways about it. Let’s take a moment to soar through time and peep the best of the rest(ing).

Ghouls ‘n’ Ghosts (1988) – Loki

Chip and Dale Rescue Rangers (1990) – Fat Cat

Bosses like this are so amazing that they’re few and far between! There are a couple more in my mind, but I can’t find any images. The most recent badass sitting boss was probably Xemnas in his armored throne form in Kingdom Hearts II. If you can think of any more beasts that battle so boldly, drop us a line!

Ever since I was a wee child jamming away on my Nintendo Entertainment System, I had a profound understanding of what it takes to craft an awesome boss: make ’em massive! Bosses should dwarf the player; the more screens they take up, the merrier. I think I first came to this sexy realization when playing the extremely mediocre Wrath of the Black Manta on NES.

The first boss of this game is a giant bruiser named “Tiny” (get it!?). This might have been my first experience of being humbled by some gigantic gay night club bouncer looking asshole in a video game.

First boss experiences should always be like this. It’s like that joke about seeing your dad’s dick when you’re really young so you’ll always fear its power. The same goes for last bosses– not the dick thing, but that they should be looming towers of fear. Just look at the last boss of Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts, Sardius!

New games are still managing to do this right. Ninja Gaiden has the Bone Dragon, for instance, and who could forget pretty much every battle from Shadow of the Colossus? Size is crucial to injecting the player with fear, folks, but if Jaquio or Sardius ever show you their ding dongs, run!

You knew it was coming… I have returned! The rest of the Robotronic Dynamite crew is here, too, talkin’ crap about games and movies– all for YOU!

Also, pay attention at the end, because there is a contest! You could win Chocobo Tales on the Nintendo DS!