Category: Comics

Circa 200x.

The saga continues…

Space Sheriff Spirits may, much like Cybermorph on the Atari Jaguar, be The First Game™ (all proceeds for this phrase are funneled directly into Dave Halverson’s hairy anus). But before I get into its essential radness, I think I should take some time to wipe the grime off and list a couple of things I would have done differently.

• There’s only one part of the game in which you get to summon Doru and jump on his head for some badass robot-dragon fighting action, but you don’t even get to control it! On that note, you also never get to ride around on Cyberian or drive your Suzuki Samurai. I wish everything I was typing was a pack of lies, but my name isn’t Marianne Williamson.

• It could have used some sort of hub world like the Avalon Club where you could stroll around as Retsu and maybe comb horse hairs or play soccer with little Japanese boys in short pants. Gavan could use some downtime to think about life or maybe update his blog.

• Everything is too easy until the end of the Spirits mode. Ironically, they made Machiko Soga really fucking hard to kill.

Tune in next time as the exciting coverage continues and the Big Questions are answered! Now, I know what you’re all asking yourselves right about now: “Where the heck are my ding dang Gavan scans?”

As promised… more!

Click the thumbs and you’ll be taken to Flickr where you can make them grow like Bandora.

Today, as Ice Cube would say, was a good day. I finally got my Space Sheriff Spirits game in the mail. Any later and we’d all be stuck in Maku Space with no one to blame but the US Post Office and those cute little trucks they drive. As much as I’d love to say that I bought an import PS2 for “Platinum Hits” like Zombie Vs. Ambulance and Chikyuu Boeigun 2, I can now step out of denial and into the proud, looming shadow of Self-Satisfaction.

So begins my multi-part coverage of the intricate and, well, dynamic world of Space Sheriff Spirits, in which you get all Captain N with some of Gavan and Friend’s greatest episodes. That’s right folks, toe-to-toe with Double Monsters and ass-to-mouth with Don Horror himself.

Throughout this epic series (so epic, in fact, that you’ll note the length of said coverage has yet to be determined), I’ll be scanning in almost every page of the exciting bonus booklet the game came with, culminating in a full-on translation of the intense comic within the page’s confines!

Let’s get started. Keep in mind, this booklet is tiny, so these are about as nice as the scans are gonna get:

Click on the thumbs and you’ll be taken to Flickr, where you can enlarge them to their max size.

Reading my friend Matthew’s latest blog inspired me to comment with a classic story of cat shit courtesy of Canaan & me (sort of like The King & I but sexier… and I’m the king since this is my fucking blog). I couldn’t let this pass without posting the story here, if not just for future generations to learn how to properly treat exchange students.

• • •

When my friend Canaan and I were freshmen in high school, he had a German exchange student living with him. On the eve of the homecoming dance, we decided it would be “funny” to put some cat shit in the front pocket of his clean cords (that’s some slang some of you squares might not get, so I’ll just say “pants” from here on out if I need to).

Incidentally, his sister had flown in from Deutschland to see him for a weekend, because he had been holed up with us playing X-Wing vs. Tie Fighter on Canaan’s PC for weeks; something that would turn most mortals into invalids instantaneously. As devious as we fancied ourselved, Canaan and I couldn’t have foreseen how fantastically that evening’s events would have turned out.

The rest of this story was relayed to us via his exchange student’s puttering profanities, because we were way too cool to be caught dead in some lame-ass dance, and were probably kicking cans or something equally rad with our gang of fellow “deviants.”

As it turns out, whilst dancing with his (hot) sister from “za muzzerland,” he reached his sweaty hands into his pockets, reluctantly and unexpectedly grabbing hold of two to three balls of shitty cat shit, which (and this is on Biblical Record) smells the worst of all shits.

He was horrified at this and, most eye-rollingly, felt betrayed by his American “compadres.” At a family meeting that night which was at his behest, he really spread it out on the table for us (not the shit itself, which might have actually been a manful form of revenge, but his disgust with our actions), declaring that, “Zees ees FUCK!”

Sure, it was fuck, you krazy kraut; It was fucking funny!

Here is Düdü Blaq & Dirty Earl’s little-known but classic 1986 short comic, “Express.” The translation may not be perfect, but I think it should suffice. I passed it on to the author/illustrator team themselves via email, and their response was a gracious one. It was actually on their recommendation that I flipped the panels to the Western left to right format, Accept this domestic premiere as one with their explicit approval, and enjoy the story!

Recommended for a mature audience.

Title Page
Page One
Page Two
Page Three
Page Four
Page Five
Page Six