subhumanzoids

Time to switch things up some this weekend. For your perusing pleasure, a long-time friend of the Joseph Luster Report, John Kunkel, has something sexy to say and it concerns you and everything you are as an Earth human. Take it away, John.

• • •

Chariots of the Gods was a groundbreaking historical analysis written by Erich von Däniken which theorizes that ancient civilizations were more highly technologically advanced than ours, and, even more daring, that all humans spawned with extra-terrestrials many moons ago. This link has more information, or you could actually read the book and develop your own thoughts if you so desire.

What was most appealing to me about this inspiring text was that our ancestors possibly came from Mars. I always felt this was true as a child, especially when I watched Patrick Ewing play basketball on TNT… I knew parts of us simply were not human. It is beyond questioning, in my mind, that we humans are one part evolution from the ape/monkey, and one part created from “God.” Not “God” as in “the great one,” “the Father of Jesus,” “Abba father,” “Buddha,” “Mohammad,” “Daddy,” or any other religious association, but “God” as in a true “God” to primitive man – a smarter, faster, better version of being that flew in from the sky.

So if you happen to encounter a man from outer space, simply say, “Hello, great grandfather, good to finally meet you.” Deep down, all of us began as a wiggly sperm in a Martian’s sac combined with a twinkle in an ape-woman’s eye.

This one doesn’t need much introduction. It’s one of Dudu Blaq & Dirty Earl’s first submissions to Brave Man Weekly, a few years before Express debuted. Pretty much not safe for work. I hope you enjoy it!

Page One
Page Two
Page Three
Page Four

In an announcement that’s news to no one, Dark Horse is putting a few of its more eccentric manga titles on hold indefinitely (read: canceled). The chief problem here, I’m sure, is that no one bought them. Now, that might not be true for some of my audience, so don’t think I’m chiding you sexy people. It is a shame nonetheless.

I really respect Dark Horse. They consistently release a lot of the darker, older and more obscure stuff. Not just horror, but gross-out manga, Kazuo Koike masculinity epics, and so on. I especially took a liking to Octopus Girl, which is on the “canned” list in that news post. Toru Yamazaki’s mid-90s serial is about a girl that can turn back and forth between human and a twisted octopus hybrid, and is as silly as it is graphic and disturbing.

For your pleasure, I have scanned a few sample pages from the first chapter (Maybe NSFW). Click to enlarge and read each page from right to left!

Sample Page One
Sample Page Two
Sample Page Three

My early thoughts on the Playstation Home (you might recall Sony putting the “spunky” Kotaku folk in a brief time out for breaking this news early) can be summed up by a couple cr- words.

One, it’s fucking creepy. There’s something wildly pointless and bizarre about sitting in your apartment/house and logging online to enter your TV apartment/house. This is why games like Second Life are lost on me. Virtual worlds are just like the real world, except it’s an alternate reality where a satellite-mounted laser eradicated everyone with social skills.

I’ll give it to Sony, though, they’re pretty crafty. They’ve basically taken the Phantasy Star Universe lobby and made it their hub. The only people that will enjoy this environment more than the user are game publishers’ marketing departments.

Still, it’s not crazy, Regardless of how very much this isn’t my thing, people will probably dig it. There’s some wisdom in the differences between this and what MS and Nintendo are doing, even if the surface disparities are only there to mask how similar it all is.

I posted this on a forum that some of you probably can’t post at, mostly because I don’t think I’ll get many responses here. Still, it’s a very important question!

Best Sinbad Movie?

You have three choices:

• The 7th Voyage of Sinbad
• The Golden Voyage of Sinbad
• Sinbad and the Eye of the Tiger

I’m sure there’s some other shit around, but I’m only interested in the ones with Ray Harryhausen effects. If, for some reason, you prefer some TV show called Sinbad 2040 or a Sci Fi original movie where he fights a mutant muskrat or some shit, then by all means, tell me; no, really, I’m listening.

I’m kind of torn. Obviously, 7th is the shit, but Golden has fucking JOHN PHILLIP LAW (Danger: Diabolik) in the lead vs. a brown-faced Tom Baker. They all have rad Harryhausen monsters, too. My nod might go to Golden Voyage again, though, if not only for the fight against Kali.

You are all required to participate!